We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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