I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
