At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
