You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
