Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
