It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
