If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
