i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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