Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
