I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
you made out with another girl for some wings
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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