True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
