I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Randomize
