he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
