Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Holy shit dude........stairs
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
