Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
