Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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