i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
