I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
