she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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