what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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