So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
