if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
