what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
