She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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