I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I need a burrito and a hug.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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