porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
