he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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