can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I think my moral compass just broke
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