You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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