I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
