Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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