sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
