I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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