So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Say something about gay babies.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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