I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
