Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
