So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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