Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
