Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
is it fun? or sober?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
