she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
