i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
