i think my tv is drunk
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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