We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
