You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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