god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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