i jhust puked up my retainher.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
