woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
