After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
