i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize