we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I have already put on my inside pants.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
