i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
