Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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