u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
