Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
