literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
