My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
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