You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
