I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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