Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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