just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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