i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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