I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
