Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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