I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
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NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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